Lessons from My Mother to All Mothers

When I was in primary school, around 8 years old, we were tasked with writing an essay on our role models. Back then, the terms "mentor," "person of influence," or "guide" weren't as common as they are today. The assignment was exhilarating: I had to think about a person's life I wanted to emulate, conduct research, and present my findings to the whole class. While my peers scoured the library and old magazines, I went home to talk to my role model—my mother.

Having a celebrity or world leader as a role model was common, but my mother was my role model in every sense. She was educated and had fought to get ahead in life, overcoming numerous challenges.

The Essay That Changed Everything

I asked my mother questions about her job, how she got it, and how she rose against all odds. She answered patiently, and I wrote my essay. On the day of the presentation, I stood in front of my third-grade class and declared my desire to be a police officer and eventually a prison warden, just like my mother. I outlined her strengths and expressed my belief that I could achieve the same.

Unfortunately, my teacher laughed and remarked, "Someone with your personality could never be any of those things. You are too weak. Criminals would kill you. Go find something that requires a low skill set!" I was crushed.

Realizing My Mother's True Lessons

This Mother’s Day, I remembered that moment and realized how wrong my teacher was. But I also understood that at 8 years old, I didn't fully grasp what I wanted to emulate from my mother. It was not her career choices, but her noble character.

Here are the lessons I’ve learned from my mother, which I believe all mothers can impart:

1. Apologize When Necessary

My mother is not too proud to apologize. She acknowledges the traumatic events of my childhood and her role as a young single parent. In my teenage years, I struggled with this and became rebellious due to my inability to express my feelings. Now, I can voice these feelings, and my mother listens, admits her mistakes, and apologizes, offering immense healing and strengthening our bond.

2. Embrace Vulnerability

My mother never shies away from vulnerability. She openly shares her struggles, teaching me that while life can be challenging, it is possible to move forward. Her resilience has inspired my own.

3. Engage in Honest Conversations

We have difficult conversations without gaslighting or deflecting. Unlike other relatives, my mother validates my experiences and feelings. She explains her reasoning and circumstances without using them as excuses, fostering a healthier relationship.

4. Be a Consistent, Safe Haven

Throughout my life, I’ve known that if everything else fails, my mother is my safe place. Her unwavering support ensures that as long as she’s there, I am okay.

5. Be a Confidant and Best Friend

As I’ve grown older, my relationship with my mother has deepened. We share everything, knowing each other’s worst and best. This closeness didn’t happen overnight; it is the result of mutual love and understanding.

6. Guide Objectively

My mother holds me accountable, aligning me with my true self. She corrects me with love and compassion, never agreeing with me just to please me.

7. Stay True to Yourself

Authenticity is a core value for my mother. She remains true to herself even in the face of opposition, giving me the confidence to be myself.

8. Love Fully and Forgive

Despite a difficult past, my mother loves and forgives fully. Her ability to move beyond past hurts and live unguarded is remarkable.

9. Prioritize Healing

My mother attends therapy, a rarity in the African community. Her commitment to mental health is an inspiration, fostering a bond based on healing rather than trauma.

10. Be a Role Model

I aspire to be half the amazing woman my mother is and to possess a fraction of her wisdom.

In retrospect, 8-year-old me was right in wanting to be everything my mother represents. This Mother’s Day, I share her lessons with you, hoping you learn something valuable from my mama.