The phrase, “Ma’am, may I please go to the toilet?” would mark the beginning of lack of self-trust and desperate need for validation. That sentence carries with it some of the first words we learned in Kindergarten. These words are significant because for some of us, they carry our “first” memory of interacting with the outside world. We all were taught that this is polite - rightly so. It is instilled in us at a very young age to ask for permission before we DO. This installation becomes part of our belief system.
We can agree that kids are disruptive when it comes to going to the bathroom, once one person goes, everyone wants to go. Therefore, we were taught to ask, first. However, this teaching created something else in us - an unintended consequence, if you will. It instilled in us a desperate need for validation, with a belief that we need to get permission before we act on something or before we make decisions.
As grown adults, we unconsciously still say, “Ma’am, may I” do this or that. We are no longer asking to go to the toilet, but we are asking if we should quit our job, start a business, or who to marry to those who have no business answering. We don’t trust ourselves and our decisions. We feel guilty or uncomfortable making “independent” decisions.
I think - in my opinion, that schools should have rather said; when you feel pressed, go, and you don’t have to ask for permission. However, you cannot all go at the same time, and you cannot go while teaching is in process. This would have built a culture of critical thinking, and time management. This is not to criticize schools, but rather to challenge us to a new way of thinking.
We need to stop asking for permission!
Part of the reason why some of us are stuck, is because we are waiting for someone else to validate our idea. We are waiting for a go ahead. Well God gave you that vision, no one else. All of the people who’s validation you are desperate for may never see what you see till later. It's time you started trusting yourself, because God trusted you enough to give YOU that business idea, that book to write, that YouTube channel, that gift- He gave it to YOU!
He also is aware of your imperfections and insecurities, yet He still sees you as the person qualified to carry out that plan.
Validation is an addiction that social media feeds well. Some of the functions of social media apps grow our lack of self trust. We are now able to ask the “world” to help us decide what to; wear, what to eat and what we should do at any moment. Those are small “fun” things, right?. However when our intentions, for our actions aren’t regularly checked we may fall into the trap of approval addiction. This is dangerous; especially if we want to progress, or go to the next level, and become the best version of ourselves. If we want to live in our purpose, and calling. People’s permission will NOT get us there.
Take a moment and ask yourself, is the life I am living authentic? Do you trust the voice of the Spirit in you, or are the voices of others louder? If your answer is the latter, it's time to make some drastic changes, and get to the root.
Why does this matter to me so much? When I wrote my first book, I was told by someone very close to me that it was a bad idea, and that I should stop while I was ahead. I was told no one would buy a book called “On stiletto’s”, it's a ridiculous title they said. I was also told I was too young (22 years old) what would I have to say, and that I have no wisdom at that age. Then later when I wanted to move to the US, in Chicago. I was told that I would be trafficked, and that the whole thing was a scam. I was also told that I would never make it as an actor.
I believe all these people had my best interest at heart. However, they also had their own fears, doubts, and insecurities. Although they meant well, their advice would have stopped me from becoming. I would have never had the experiences I had if I weren’t a daring person. But one cannot be DARING and ask for permission at the same time.
Stop asking people for permission to live a life that God gave to you. Trust your decisions. It's okay to be scared but move! Yes, seek wisdom from the people that God has put in your life, with discernment. But Do what God called you to do confidently and boldly!