Earlier on in my adulthood, I picked up that I had serious trust issues (don’t we all sometimes); which were “justifiable”. I did what most of us do, or have done when struggling with trust issues; I built walls, and instead of letting people in completely. I would rather take down my wall, brick by brick, until I felt they were worthy to come into my palace (I said the word palace with a deep voice in my head by the way, for dramatic effect lol). Should the person/people I’ve let in break my trust, after all the work I had done to trust them. I would build an even higher wall for the next person.
I strongly believed for many years that all my trust issues were as a result of other people’s actions; how they’ve hurt and disappointmented me. It was always their fault I didn’t trust them. After years of working on myself and allowing God to heal me. It dawned on me, that the mistrust was never all external.
I also didn’t trust myself! Yes, you read that right. The wall was not only for people but it was for me as well. Wait what?
Have you ever done something, or left a conversation or even an argument and later think: “crap, why did I say/do that? What I said/did is so stupid and silly”? And you start thinking all better things you could have said or done instead. That right there is you seeking self validation, and when we don’t validate ourselves in those “small moments”, we start to lose trust even more.
How does one know when they don’t fully trust themselves?
They often second guess their decisions.
They struggle with feelings of uncertainty or even regret after making life choices.
They have a desperate need for validation or approval.
When they sense disapproval from others, they are highly likely to lose interest in something that they initially were interested in; i.e. new romantic relationship, new friend, or new hobbie, etc.
Unfortunately, after being hurt, rejected, mistreated or not getting the validation one needs in early childhood. A part of our mind starts to believe that there’s something we are doing wrong that’s causing this unfavorable response from people. We then slowly start losing trust in our abilities. The lack of self trust will then lead us to self suspicion. When we are suspicious of ourselves we struggle to make any decisions, we then become fully dependent on our friends, google, and social media to decide what is best for us. This is dangerous, because it leaves us unfulfilled, continually disappointed and empty. As life seems to just happen to us and not for us.
Small steps- to regain self trust:
We have to understand that we are human, we will say the wrong thing, do the wrong things, and even choose the wrong people. However we have to forgive ourselves completely, always keep in mind that, that all a is part of life’s experiences. It is NOT a reflection of your inability to make a “good” decision, it is instead a reflection of their character flaws. You can’t control what people do, regardless of your intentions.
You will fail, and make mistakes it’s part of the human experience.
Never ever lie to yourself.
Don’t lie to people either, it’s better to say nothing
Practice self integrity. Don’t self- commit and not deliver, and always keep self promises.
Let your YES be a YES, and your NO be a NO. Don’t compromise. Trust your spirit.
Give yourself grace.
Self trust is absolutely necessary to be GREAT! To believe in the impossible, and to do AMAZING things!
No one is an expert at life, we all figuring our way through this journey with God’s help. Don’t be so hard on yourself. You are doing so much better than you think, even when you make a mess of things. Learn to fully trust yourself again. Make decisions and live the life you genuinely want to live, and do it authentically.