Maybe it's not God’s will, Maybe it was not meant for me. When will it ever be?
Through failed expectations, disappointments and so many things that did not go my way, I've struggled. I suffered within myself because I had refused to believe my inner voice that said;” It wasn’t meant for you, it’s not your time Zee”. Whilst I strongly felt it was my time, and this is meant for me! This contradiction left me feeling defeated, upset, and very frustrated. When will it ever be my time then if not now!?? This deep rooted frustration lead me to a decision, which I felt was “faith” driven, I decided to make things happen for myself.
The consequences of "making this happen" outside of God's will
I would pray-cry almost everyday begging God do open the doors that He for reasons known to Him had intentionally closed. Eventually some of these doors opened. WOW! To my disappointment the things I saw as great opportunities from the outside looking in, turned out to be the greatest nightmares! I prayed for 2 months for a job begging God for it, because I believed it would be what’s best for me and I got it. I had the worst 2 months of my life while working there, and as a result I suffered from anxiety, the whole time I worked there, the two months felt like 2 years. It looked so glamorous on the outside, however whilst there I began to see why God said NO, and I unfortunately had forced His hand because I thought I knew what’s best for me. Around the same time I auditioned for a local TV series and I again began to force God’s hand. I recently found out that it was canned due to very low ratings, and not so great story lines. When I didn’t get the lead role I wanted, I never saw this happening to the show, but God did.
God does not need my assistance
These experiences have been very humbling. They were a reminder of God’s infinite wisdom and sovereignty. He does not need help from me or advise on how to be God. He can be God all by Himself, all I have to do is trust His direction, and be obedient completely. It is imperative that we understand who God is, and His power; God sees the end of everything before it starts, when He says no, it's because He has seen the end and the impact it will have on our lives. I also learnt that faith is obedient, one cannot have faith out of obedience, if God says NO, with our faith we have to believe that God knows best and not forcefully believe something contrary to what our Father says.
Change perspective; when God says no
Today, I took the time to celebrate every purposefully closed door, every intentional NO. I am grateful for the fact that God loves me enough to say no to something that will kill me and my destiny. I reminded myself that God wants me to prosper way more than I want to prosper. He's been wanting me to succeed even before I was born. He loves me and has my best interest at heart.
Out of His mercy and love God has opened some incredible doors for me. Everything He said yes to, He has provided for abundantly. Now going forward, I only want what He wants for me, and I will do that by praying obedient prayers, and intentional asking Him what He wants me to do in every situation.
Let’s be the generation that has faith in the NO seasons, and in the YES seasons. Let’s celebrate God’s no’s as much as we celebrate His yes!, let’s be grateful for both, because both are working all things together for our benefit.